Me and Silence

When it comes to silence it’s in regards to intimacy with who I’m talking to, not necessarily what i’m talking about . It’s the intimacy that has scared me silent. In intimate group settings I feel so anxious, that it creates resistance from what i know i have to say. The longer i wait the harder it is to express it, and then i just become detached and feeling like an outsider. In those situations i envy the ones that are so present with themselves and others, uninhibited in their expression, not even holding back in the silence. I wonder “what makes them so open” , “how do they know what to say” “why can’t i be present and share what i’m thinking?” i’m not sure what the root cause of it is. Most of the time it’s with serendipitous friendly strangers when I easily express myself openly with no resistance. There’s no judgment. There’s a clean slate. But when there has been a common theme of interest with strangers within a live group setting, for example, the classroom, or something like that, i start shutting down. I’m really not a closed off person but because of the silence people assume I am and that i’m shy. #RUaTrueTwinFlame #dothework #meandcodependency

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